About Me

Cedar Creek, Queensland, Australia
At the age of 40, I thought I was the luckiest man in England. I had been married to my childhood sweetheart for 15 years with 4 wonderful children that I doted on. I was self employed, making good money and living in a beautiful 500 year old farmhouse. We had great friends, great holidays then BOOM. My life imploded. My wife had an affair. A bitter divorce ensued. I was forced out of my home and out of my business. My Ex hired aggressive lawyers who cleaned me out financially. All in the space of a year. I was then offered a job on the other side of the world in Brisbane, Australia. Since then, I have started to rebuild my life and am happier than ever. I have remarried, discovered a wonderful country that I am proud to call home and am continuing to learn and become a better person. My new life has come at a price but I do not regret what I have done. I have always been a caring, loving Dad who is now alienated from my four teenage children because I did not behave as my ex-wife wanted me to behave. This blog describes reflections on life then, now and into the future. My blogs may be random but I hope they are not dull. Life isn't. It is what you make it.

Friday, June 25, 2010

A reminder of PAS

We have guests with us from the UK. Neil is remarried and has 4 kids
from his first marriage, just like me. His ex wife took all of the
family assets leaving him with just debt and facing bankruptcy, just
like me. He now has an opportunity to move to Australia and start a
new life, just lime I did. However, the most chilling similarity is
that he has been alienated from his children for the past year. He
tells me how he has tried to see his kids but his ex refuses to let
them see him. He has no idea why. He sometimes bumps into them in the
local supermarket and they run and hide from him. Like me, he is
hurting to the core. There is a difference though: Living close to his
Ex means he has constant reminders of this hurt. It is in his face. It
is affecting his self esteem and yet he feels helpless to fight
against it. He has no means or will to fight it in the (toothless)
courts nor does he wish to cause a scene on the doorstep. He says he
fully understands why I chose to come to Australia to start a new
life. Does this mean that we are running away or giving up on our
children? Far from it. The distance helps us to heal and become better
people rather than have salt rubbed in the wounds constantly. Our kids
know we love them. They know that nothing has changed. We could still
talk every day, go on holidays together and be there for each other.
They choose not to. I have every faith that one day, my kids will be
able to judge for themselves and see beyond their mothers rhetoric and
evil manipulation of the truth. I will wait for them. It may take
months, years or decades but I will always be their dad.
I know Neil is in turmoil and agonizing over whether a move to
Australia would be the final nail in the coffin with his broken
relationship with his kids. I can only reassure him that he has to
stay true to his ideals and be the best person he can be so that WHEN
his kids come back into his life, they will respect the fact that he
picked himself up and never gave up on them.
Please share this note with anyone that you know is suffering from the
form of child abuse that is PAS.

Nick Davey

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