Trapped in time

I dreampt of my kids again last night. I often do. The trouble is that
my kids appear as they were when I knew them and had an intimate
relationship with them. When you are an alienated parent, you are
deprived of their evolving hopes, dreams, personalities and thoughts.
It is as if they are frozen in time. I cling to these memories and
dreams as an affirmation that I am a good parent, a good father.
Without them in my life, the self belief is eroded as you cling to
something increasingly distant and abstract. PAS is not just child
abuse, it is also parent abuse.

Another day, another poignant reminder

Familiy gatherings on Mothers Day. Young kids playing in the fishing
park, parents showing their kids how to fish and playing cricket as if
their life depended on it. I loved those times with my kids but
memories are all I have now.

It's complicated

Having four children living the other side of the world and refusing
to acknowlege your existence: Its complicated. So it seemed
appropriate to watch the movie of the same title. Good movie but every
scene, every emotion portrayed touched on my own complications. Do my
childdren want reconciliation between me and my Ex?will my kids ever
understand the adult perspective? Will I ever get to sit down and have
a "family" meal with them ever again? Most peoples normality is my
exception. It isn't just complicated. Parental Alienation is evil and
it is always with you like a shadow. A simple thing like watching a
movie becomes painful rather than enjoyable. I am a victim yet
Parental Alienation makes you feel as if you are the perpetrater. Get
back with my Ex? It's not that complicated. Only in the movies. She is
a child abuser, abusing the mind, and nothing will ever allow me to
forgive her. I have moved on and lead a happy life with a wonderful
woman who loves me for what and who I am. Having the kids in my life
would make my life complete. But it's complicated......

Nick Davey

Words

Every month I write to my children. It is the only form of
communication left open to me. I do not have phone numbers, email
addresses, facebook access or any other means of telling them that I
love them or finding out what is going on. So what do I write in my
letters? I know little of their lives but yearn for common ground.
Inevitably I turn to the only common ground, the past. Do you remember
when....? As time marches on, I question the relevance but it's all I
have left. Memories. Being alienated goes far deeper than just not
seeing them. You lose the common ground and letters become just a
succession of empty words.

Nick

Today's thought

Spoke to my mum today. She hadn't seen or heard from her grandchildren
for 18 months. Why? She has no idea other than her son (me) got
divorced. Alienation goes beyond just the parents. It does not respect
generations.